Mother of the Millenium: Marlene Aguilar

Marlene Aguilar, writer, singer, artist and mother to -- Jason Ivler, the recently captured fugitive from the law who seems to have an in-built homing signal for engaging in road/traffic incidents with government officials.

Marlene Aguilar, sister of folk singer Freddie Aguilar, is putting the blame on everybody else – from the police to the American government. Vanity, that is, Marlene’s, led the police to where her son is hiding. Picture this: big tarpaulins bearing Marlene’s likeness pinned on her house’s gate. Couldn’t Marlene have made e it a little bit difficult for the police to locate her house? I mean, at least force them ask to around the neighborhood for the Pollard’s residence.

I don’t wanna delve into Jason Ivler’s run in with the law and his psychotic events. That’s for the courts and his psychiatrist to resolve with him. I just know that Satan, as I am writing this, has already saved a very special place for Jason Ivler in hell.

Methinks mother and son has a major Oedipus complex thingy going on. According to psychoanalytic theory, the unsuccessful resolution of Oedipus complex could lead to neurosis, pedophilia or homosexuality.

Neurosis? Ding! Ding! Ding! And we have a winner! Jason Ivler is a walking advertisement for neurosis, what with his amateurish rapping skills, the creepy fixation between mother and son, and Jason's road antics that lead to killing rages.

Mother and son have been accused of being insane. According to Marlene there is a fine line between insanity and genius. So does artistry and tackiness as seen in Marlene’s images above.

You know I am writing this thinking "thank God for the anonymity of the Internet. I don't have to be looking behind my back."

Ara Mina Believes People of Provident Village Should Have Been Saved First

The reason? Provident Village is like Corithian Gardens, ergo the people who live there are rich.

Elitist much, Ara?

For those not in the know (I doubt there are people who don't kbnow unless you're living under rock or you just don't care) this little piece of wisdom came from Ara Mina because her little sister and the rest of her family live in Provident Village in Marikina and was trapped for 12 hours on the rooftop of their house.

Ara Mina was confounded why rescue was slow for her sister who lives in a posh subdivision.

Ara Mina's handlers should let her know, gradually of course because we don't want her to undergo a rude awakening, that her sister is not special even if she bagged the No 1 spot in FHM's most beautiful women, or sexiest women, basta magandang title.

Ara Mina also assumed it's Bayani Fernando and his men who had the responsibility to save her family in Provident Village. In fairness to her, she said "wala siyang tampo kay Chairman Bayani, kasi baka may iba pang sinaklolohan."

Ara, ang mayor ng Marikina yung asawa ni Bayani. Yun ang dapat magsa-save sa residente ng Marikina. Si Bayani, icocoordinate niya ang rescue ng buong Metro Manila, kasi ano siya, ah, hmmm,,, wala lang Chairman siya ng Metropolitan Manila Development Authority (MMDA).

Too bad Manny Pacquiao is in Baguio.

Of course, we know Richard Gutierrez saved Cristine and her family in a spectular fashion, riding in a rubber boat, braving strong currents and extreme darkness, to save .... the leading lady of his newest movie, Patient X. Sorry, I've reading too much fiction.

The gods are now smiling on Richard Gutierrez. Imagine, his saving his leading lady, is a great promotional angle for the movie, even if it's of the horor genre. Kaya lang, will people watch? What's a greater horror than seeing a sudden flash flood, being trapped in a water world, waiting for rescue, not knowing when that rescue is coming...Okay, you get my drift.

Anyway...

People of Quezon City, particularly Ara's district, take note. Ara Mina is taking the plunge into politics in the 2010 elections. It's not enough that she tookover Aiko Melendez's leftovers (hmm, Jomari Yllana, anyone?), she will also be trying to take over the council seat that will be vacated by last termer Aiko Melendez, who will be runningh as Vice Mayor.

Quezon City residents this is your future Councilor. If there should be a major calamity again, Ara Mina will be saving her rich constituents first. Kung purita mirasol ka, get a stub and get in line to be saved.

Okay, now. I really don't believe Ara Mina thinks the poor deserved to be saved last. She's probably musing out loud and forgot to turn on her filter. She probably also forgot she was talking in front of the press whose job is to take note of every soundbite, good or bad, from actors and actresses like Ara Mina whose charm goes pffft once they start talking.

Ara's poor wittle brain (smaller than her bust size. yes, I went there so sue me!) can't grasp the concept that Mother Nature is a great equalizer. She's an equal opportunity badass who will devastate your life whether you are poor or rich.

Gurl, your hope to grab an elective position is the people living below the poverty line. I'm sure you know the poor people are in far greater number than the rich. You can't afford to alienate the people who can elect you.

I guess Ara Mina is still lucky because this brilliant soundbite will not be read or heard by that many people, just people like me who doesn't have anything better to do and not even a resident of Quezon City.

People are busy rebuilding their lives, so stupid comments from stupid celebrities are so far from their priorities right now.

Yeah, Okay. So Shut the Fuck Up.

Rufa Mae Quinto is engaged and plans to marry her US-based fiancé, who she claims to be from Spanish royalty, in 2010.

Um, that was fast, but apparently the two have known each other for 15 years.

The generosity of the fiancé also allowed Rufa Mae to acquire a P 30 M property in San Francisco.

Rufa Mae has already divulged so much information about her engagement and her plans after the wedding, but not the identity of her fiancé.

After being a beard to Eric Santos, her failed long-distance romance with some Mexican guy based in Hong Kong, her faux romance with Jon Avila (the nerve) and her yet-to-be debuted sex video with Hayden Kho (thanks, Bong Revilla), Rufa Mae has stayed quiet.

For a while there, I was at peace with Rufa Mae off the radar. Now she’s back to talking about her suddenly rosy lovelife.

I want her to shut the fuck up already. Like, enough information already. Does she have millions of fans who are interested in the state of her lovelife and finances?

I feel like the story of this alleged fiancé wil turn out to be for the purpose of publicity, or Mike Arroyo and/or Mickey Arroyo). I hope Rufa Mae does get married, settle in the USA and travel the world with her future husband like she stated. This way, I won’t see much of her on TV or read about her on my favorite tabloid newspapers.

Also, can the producers of Darna kill Rufa Mae’s character already? I can’t even remember the name of her character. That’s how useless and unmemorable she is in that fantaserye. Hindi siya kawalan, pwede ba? Maganda pa rin ang Darna kahit wala siya dun.

Sa totoo lang, her shtick is getting tired. It’s not a shtick at all. She’s really boba na malaki ang boobs. I unfortunately saw Rufa Mae compete in the Pinoy Henyo (how ironic) segment of Eat Bulaga. If the TV screen allowed me to reach in and punch her in the face, I would have. She’s not making it up talaga; she’s boba talaga.

Geneva, Why So Glum?

Protein deprivation will do that to you. I kid. I Kid.

I just notice that models I see in a lot of “Go, Vegan/Vegetarian” ad campaigns don’t smile. Example, Geneva Cruz’s picture above. Does doing away with meat also get rid of one’s humor?

Aside from the lack of humor, the vegans/vegetarians that I seem to hear from are those who make you feel less of a human being for refusing to badge from the top of the food chain.

If meat-eaters are disgusting, compassionless omnivores, what is a vegan/vegetarian? I looked it up in my favorite online dictionary, the Urban Dictionary, and it says a vegan is a person who kills fruits and vegetables; annoying skinny fucks who refuse to eat meat or any other animal by product.

A vegetarian is a bad hunter; someone who survives by consuming not food, but the stuff that food (i.e livestock) eats; a person that is too much of a pussy to eat meat.

Vegans/vegetarians are sanctimonious, moralistic assholes who can’t keep their lifestyle choices to themselves. Well, I don’t believe veganism turned them into assholes. They were asshole, shitty people to begin with even before they decided to be vegans/vegetarians.

I also don’t believe all vegans/vegetarians are skinny. Case in point: Yasmine Kurdi, another local celebrity that we see on PETA ad campaigns. Yasmine is a proud and out vegetarian, but I guess chocolates and cakes don’t count as meat?

Freddie Aguilar is the Epitome of Kindness

After Freddie Aguilar opened his big mouth expressed his opinions about Pinoy artists trying their luck overseas, stor(y)ies about our fount of nationalistic pride have been coming out of the woodwork.

Via Cristy Fermin’s column in Bulgar, a fellow artist revealed that a plan to form a group or foundation to help singers who are sick and broke was outrightly rejected by Freddie Aguilar. He reasoned that such initiative will only give their colleagues more reason to remain lazy.

That’s cold, like freezing cold. If a singer can’t booked a gig because they’re sick, it’s not being lazy. It’s not being able to get up from the bed, literally. I’m just sayin’.

Help should come naturally. If Freddie is not feeling too kind and charitable, then let him be. As we are all fond of saying, “huwag magbigay ng pagkain kung hindi bukal sa kalooban, baka sumakit pa ang tiyan ng pagbibigyan mo.”

Does this group of singers really need Freddie’s participation to get their plan off the ground? Freddie, as we all know, has his own quest – that of spreading Filipino music internationally (who knows maybe inter-galactically?) and changing the last line of the Bayang Magiliw.

If this story is true, people who are relying on the kindness of others now know not to hit Freddie up for anything. You’ve been warned, you lazy freeloaders!

Freddie Aguilar Agrees That Filipinos Are Monkeys

Last week, Freddie Aguilar made a last ditch effort to stay relevant. He commented that Pinoy talents who are making waves in the US like Charice Pempengco and Arnel Pineda proved what Mariah Carey said about Filipinos being monkeys. He was referring to Pinoy talents not having their own identities and imitating foreign singers.

Freddie Aguilar was criticized for calling Filipinos monkeys, but he was quick to clarify that it wasn’t him who called Charice monkey, but foreign singers like Mariah Carey.

Semantics, Freddie. I can’t fault Freddie Aguilar for his comments because as I am found of saying, “opinions are like assholes; everybody has one.” Own up to what you said because it amounted to same thing. I also can’t find anything wrong with saying those bitchy comments on the occasion of the opening of your music bar. Free publicity! I think Freddie succeeded because I can’t remember the last time Freddie Aguilar stayed this long in the media spotlight Score one for team Freddie!

Of course, Gary Valenciano and Arnel Pineda have weighed in on Freddie’s high opinions of his talents. Basically, what they said was boring and not worth repeating. “Grow some balls and hurt Freddie’s feelings as well,” is what I would tell them if I see them. But since I’m always in front of the PC, I’ll just type those words here.

But I like the comments made by Gary Valenciano’s son, Gab Valenciano. He said, “may be he’s {Freddie} just jealous.” LOL Typical of his generation. “You’re just jelly cause I’m better than you are..blah, blah.”

Freddie made specific comments about Charice having had the opportunity to sing on Oprah and in a concert with Celine Dion but she still chose to sing Whitney and Celine songs. I’m simple minded but even I know if an artist like Charice is just starting out, she can’t demand what types of songs she sings.

Never mind, Freddie. I’m sure Charice and her stagemother are busy counting their millions and living in style in their dream house in Cavite.

I read that Freddie’s song, “Anak,” which I think is his only claim to fame (I might be wrong, though), has been translated in many languages. Isn’t that done to give a song global appeal? Freddie might say it’s not the same thing. Fine!

By the way, Freddie also proposed changing the last line of our national anthem Bayang Magiliw “Lupang Hinirang.” He wants the ending to be just “…buhay ay langit sa piling mo” and the line “ang mamatay ng dahil sa iyo” be removed and changed to “buhay ay langit sa piling mo.” His reason and I quote “eh di kayo na lang ang mamatay, ako ayaw ko.”

So Freddie, if it involves death, let others do it. Ninoy Aquino is rolling in his grave right now; rolling his eyes and giving you a killing side-eye. Is Freddie sure he’s not after royalties if his lyrics replace the old line of the national anthem?

Let’s bid Freddie good luck on his quest. When pig’s fly. When hell freezes over. Those are likely to happen first before the stalwart sentinels at the National Historic Institute let him mess with our precious Bayang Magiliw. He should have a talk with Martin Nieverra.

The latest on Jake Cuenca and His Bullet-riddled Expedition

The latest on this incident is boring. According to Jake Cuenca, he is not anymore bothered that his luxury vehicle is now useless after it was strafed with bullets by still-unidentified perpetrators. Why? Because he has been receiving so many blessings and this is what he is focusing on. Barf.

Jake also requested that Baron Geisler not be implicated because Baron is a good man. Same with ex-Roxanne Guinoo and her current boyfriend because… ewan, I succumbed to a five-second coma while watching Jake speak, but I’m sure it has something to do with them being a good couple).

As much as I want to say just nice things about Jake Cuenca, I can’t help but say “Please, just shut up and look pretty.” A ruined million-peso vehicle and a calm and collected, even benevolent owner. Does not add up. It’s like Jake Cuenca was taught about what and how to say what he said. Those PR bitches at ABS-CBN are really doing their homework. As I said, boooringgg.

Ah, basta. This is what keeps me interested in Jake Cuenca. I want to know if the gay benefactor(s) issue that has been hounding him since forever is true. If it is true, then I’d say "that’s …. not boring?"

Jake, next time just pretty will do it for me, um k?

Above is a non-boring photo of Jake Cuenca for you. If that is NSFW for you, you're in the wrong job. :P

Anabelle Rama on the Warpath Again

Manager/stagemother Anabelle Rama is at odds with an executive of the network that employs most of her wards. So what else is new? Normally, I wouldn't even blink an eye on this, but this time she has gone too far. Why you ask? Because it involves the cutie pie that is JC de Vera, or Facundo of La Lola fame. Heart Evangelista is also involved, but who really cares what happens to her career, right? In fairness, though, I watch Luna Mystika, probably because Mark Anthony Fernandez is there. Ok now, back to JC. Anabelle has threatened to pull out all her wards from the Kapuso network. She's probably thinking there is ABS-CBN to give jobs to her alagas. But for the love of all that is holy. There are already so many talents at the Kapamilya network. What happens to JC after the supposed teleserye project with Judy Ann Santos? Pwede ba napa gwapo ni JC para malaos!

Isa pang Boobita

Francine Prieto - here's another twit who has earned my ire merely for appearing in Extra Challenge. Watching the reality show is normally such joy. However, in the two times that the former Anna Marie Falcon appeared in the show, it was quite an extra extra challenge for me to watch this girl while attempting to complete a stunt. Why this twit would try the patience of even Job! Imagine, watching her preparing to perform a stunt with the sun still out, and it was twilight and she was bawling her eyes out because she's afraid of heights. I was like "shut the fuck up already and jump!" If I was anywhere near her that time, I would have pushed her off the building to put her out of her freakin' misery. If the producers of Extra Challenge have a smidgen of respect for their viewers, they should ban Francine Prieto from ever appearing in their show. Unless, of course the stunts involve sans height, but with Francine on her knees preferably, if you get my drift. Wink. Wink.

Boobita!

I change the channel whenever Rufa Mae Quinto is being interviewed. The only thing of interest about her, not surprisingly, is not about her body of work but her lightbulb love affair with a basketball player. News get old too fast. More so if it's recycled news. It goes to show that this twit doesn't have anything to show, but her big boobies. She made a career out of those melons! She doesn't have talent, so what would become of her when gravity eventually wins over? I say talentless because appearing stupid in real and reel life doesn't take so much effort. She's a boobita tthrough and through. Well, let's hope the basketball player marries her - finally. Then she will have no choice but to hie herself off to the country where her boyfriend is originally from. Heard the bf is not too keen on staying in this country where his less than mediocre basketball career brought him big moola. I hope one of them proposes already so we won't hear from either of these talentless celebrities ever again.