Vicki Belo and Hayden Kho Secretly Civilly Wed?

"No comment" was the answer given by Vicki Belo's adult children, Cristalle Henares and Quark Henares, when asked if their mother and younger brother Hayden Kho have wed in civil rites.

I am ever the optimist so I believe the "No comment" comment means a resounding YES!

We may not have witnessed the first wedding rites between two ROYAL ASSHOLES, but if we know these two lovebirds they are now in talks with major networks and magazines for the exclusive coverage on the world's first union between a human (Hayden maybe trash but still human) and a plastic.

The whole marriage proposal went down in December 2010 during one of Vicki and Hayden's overseas jaunts. Smart man, that Hayden. Do it while the children and ex-husband are out of reach.

I feel the heave coming up my throat every time I see Hayden and Vicki's PDA on TV, but other than that I approve of this coupling. By the way, is it me or are Hayden and Vicki always seen in some society event or movie premier lately? Me thinks they would attend the opening of a door, if invited.

Anyway,,, someone suggested pre-nup to prove Hayden's love is true. Que horror! This is a slap in the face of Hayden true love. Why can't Cristalle, Quark and Atom Henares let Vicki and Hayden become one in grossness and creepiness?

Vicki loves Hayden, it's true. We suspect Hayden's motives. And Vicki? Well, can we argue with psychological instability?

Hayden has promised on Kris TV that "hindi na siya mambabae." Hayden may be a pervert, but he's practical. He took his eyes off this moneybags once, and he won't do it again. He knows where his next meal is coming from, so to speak.

He's next meal will not be definitely coming from his perfume line, which Vicki Belo also financed thankyouverymuch. Hayden's perfume line is going down, if it hasn't already. Can you imagine being asked "What perfume are you wearing?" and responding, "I'm wearing Hayden." Yuck!

Jinkee Pacquiao Denies Ellen DeGeneres

Jinkee Pacquiao was invited to guest on Ellen Degeneres' show on CBS.

Oh my God! Jinkee's extreme makeover whole face and body edition has finally paid off! But no. :( Jinkee Pacquiao refused the invitation.

sigh. What a gold mine of quotable quotes that would have been.

Jinkee was fearful of blood from her nose marring her plastic fantastic mug in case Ellen DeGeneres gets high falluting on her during the interview.

Jinkee would have said yes if the interview was taped because then she could flash her millions to the show's editors and producers to edit her to hell so she comes out smelling like roses and not the dim bulb that she is.

Half a point and no more for Jinkee for self-awareness, but then again that's what you get for neglecting to improve your brain along with your waist, hips, thighs, eyes, cheeks and lips.

Read a book or two sometime, bitch!

Maybe then you'll realize none of your children looks like you anymore.

I could apply as Jinkee's minder, but no. I'll be sticking with Mommy Dionesia. At least Mommy Dionesia is taking English lessons, last I heard. Mommy D knows she has conquered the Philippines. So next stop is world domination!

Minus 100 points for Jinkee for hanging out with celebutard Paris Hilton.

From the way Jinkee talks, she thinks wonky-eye Paris Hilton is the best thing since silicon injections.

Jinkee, before your read a book as I suggested, turn on your PC and look up Paris Hilton on the interwebs.

Just in 2010, Paris Hilton was banned from entering Japan because of her cocaine possession conviction. And that's just one and the latest of her shenanigans.

Paris Hilton is so 2007. That's when her celebrity status peaked. We won't get anything from her but herpes.

The Wedding of the Royals I Really Want To See

The picture of flower girl Grace above speaks for all of us (okay, just me) who are over this royal wedding before it even started.

I'm the only person I know who is not awed and excited about the royal wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton, I feel like. I mean what is there to be impressed about? Royals are people just like us who get drunk out of our skulls and who wear a Nazi uniform for kicks. (Ok, maybe not the last one). Think about it, royals are nothing more than people who make welfare look glamorous. That's all I'm going to say about that!

The royal wedding I am looking forward to is the wedding between two royal assholes: Hayden Kho and Vicki Belo. Rumors about a wedding between Hayden and Vicki started when famed composer David Foster's would-be trophy wife fiancee let it out that Hayden and Vicki are the next to wed.

I want these two to get married - bad. This way their grossness and pervertedness will be confined between just the two of them.

However, I have doubts about Hayden's self-confessed "stronger sense of character" after the trials and tribulations he had gone through (blech!). Hayden sooner or later will step out on Vicki, and spread his vileness to willing girls out there. Even Vicki's millions will not be able to deter Hayden, I'm afraid.

Again, however, I have faith in Vicki's cougar powers to hold on to her prey, I mean to forgive, and Hayden's powers to dickmatize Vicki all over again.

I'm ahead of you all. I'm already imaging the wedding in my head. I'm imagining the people on the guest list and I am overwhelmed by the volume of silicone and plastic in that event. There's Gretchen Barreto, Jinkie Pacquiao, Regine Velasquez, Nancy Castiglione, and The Azkals?!

The Azkals Football team?! What the?! Vicki, the cougar that she is, is expanding the number of her potential preys. She can have the Younghusbands but not goalie Neil Etheridge. Neil Etheridge is just 21 years old, for crying out loud, and most importantly 6'6" all over. Akin lamang siya, k thanks! :P

And then there's Ruffa Gutierrez, Belo's image model for the body contouring technology BodyTite. I wonder if Ruffa Gutirrez still has an epidermis left on her face. With the amount of intense chemical peeling that her mug has undergone to achieve that marble-like appearance, I really wonder.

Ruffa even asked Dr Vicki for botox for her crow's feet. I'm not surprised at Ruffa's addiction to cosmetic enhancements commitment to beauty, but I am taken aback by Vicki Belo's refusal to botox the hell out of Ruffa's face because Vicki believes Ruffa doesn't need it - yet.

Well, Vicki. Way to backtrack. You could have saved Charice Pempengco the local and international backlash from her much-publicized botox treatment a few months ago, if you had restrained your need for self-promotion.

One of Vicki's attempts at self-promotion is this show on cable called Beauty 101. One time I was flipping channels and I came across this one episode on Beauty 101 where Vicki Belo was the guinea pig for some new high-tech facial treatment.

Holy Mother! Vicki Belo sans make-up is a sight to behold. And I don't mean that in a positive way.

Vicki, makeup is your bestfriend. Don't go out without it.

If Hayden can wake up every morning and the first thing he sees is Vicki's face sans makeup and then pass the whole day still viewing himself in a positive light, then he has a much stronger intestinal, not to mention, testicular fortitude, than I give him credit for.

And if Hayden Kho can keep the dry heave down between the sheets with Vicki sans makeup, then it must be true love. I don't believe I just typed that!

Manny Pacquiao Sister Arrested for Illegal Gambling

While Jinky Pacquiao is making Vicki Belo richer with her regular visits to Belo Clinic, her husband Manny's sister, Isidra Pacquiao-Paglinawan, is trying to make ends meet through illegal gambling.

Isidra and 26 other people are charged in court as gambling paraphernalia and cash were discovered during a raid at Isidra's house on July 29.

Isidra must be hard up if she can allow her house in a good subdivision to serve a fronton for a numbers game called "Last Two."

Maybe Jinky will find it in her heart to pawn one of her Hermes bags for her sister-in-law's bail?

And maybe Aling Dio-nee-sha could forego her regular hair straightening sessions, her derma appointments and ballroom dancing lessons to fund her daughter Isidra's counter charges against the police who allegedly illegally raided her house.

Charice and Botox Equals Crucifixation For Vicki Belo

Never mind David Foster. What will Oprah think, Charice?! Showbusiness, local and overseas, went abuzz over news that Charice Pempengco got botox.

Do you have the feeling that Charice could have botoxed the hell out of her face in peace until she looked like this and no one would have been the wiser if the event was not recorded on video and sent as a press release?

You get botox or plastic surgery on the down low and tell friends you just "lost weight" or "its just makeup" when they comment on how fresh you look these days. Or in the event of plastic surgery gone bad, just tell people that you contracted a very rare form of some disease. Just ask Pie Calayan.

Charice, the girl can sang but she should not be interviewed, whether in Tagalog or English. Telling a reporter you got botox and that thermage thingy to look fresh for Glee? She's 18 but looks 12 even on her bad day. Any fresher and she would be a fetus.

And where is this girl's mother? For this fiasco she should not be allowed to cash, even hold, any cheque for Charice until the effect of that botox wears off.

And let us not forget Vicki Belo's hand in this. For her role in this, I can't decide on what punishment will push her over the edge: a ban on botox and other cosmetic procedures on her mug or separation from Hayden Kho for a certain period of time.

Now, Vicki Belo and GMA 7, the network that aired the botox video, is on damage control. On Jessica Soho Reports we're told and shown that botox cures excessive pit sweat.

And we're now hearing that Charice's botox procedure is not for enhancement, i.e., to narrow Charice's face, but to treat Charice's TMJ (temporomandibular joint) syndrome. Hahaha... This wasn't mentioned when Vicki Belo was half smile (she can't "all smile") while injecting botox on Charice's jaw bone.

Please tell me why there are people who believe Vicki Belo's "beauty" advice?
I mean look at her mug.

A visual inspection should be enough to force people to have second thoughts on Belo "touching you." Wouldn't you think something is not right when you can't tell whether a beauty expert is smiling or just constipated?

The Plastic War

I'm not talking about the battle over who can sell the most Tupperware products. I'm talking about a brewing catfight between Mikaela Bilbao vs Gretchen Barreto and Pops Fernandez.

But first who is Mikaela Bilbao? If you tuned in on the first few episodes of the current Celebrity Duets, you wouldn't have missed this lady in a tanga costume, doing what I think is singing. As soon I saw her face full frontal, I thought "the Helen of Troy of our generation." Later I found out that she is the genius behind "Philosophy" by Mikaela Bilbao, a beauty and wellness center. Who knew, right?

Alas, Mikaela dropped out of the competition because according to her doctor, the intense heat from the studio's kleig lights is bad for her complexion. No, according to Mikaela the contest is putting too much pressure on her plastic mug on her health.

Well, anyway...

The root of the catfight is money, or in this case the promise thereof, and it all started from a text sent to Ana Abiera, a close friend of Gretchen Barreto and Nadia Montenegro.

Gretchen Barreto and Nadia Montenegro are former best buds. Nadia Montenegro is now an endorser of Philosophy for their weight-loss technology.

Mikaela got embroiled in the controversy because she "allegedly" was the sender of the malicious text.

The connection is with Dodie Puno, the brother of DILG secretary Ronnie Puno; the alleged new rich man in Gretchen Barreto's life (not that Tonyboy Cojuangco is out of the picture); and the executive director of the Road Board, the agency handling the dispensing, that is supposedly the responsible dispensing, of billions of pesos of road users' tax.

I didn't know Gretchen and Pops are so hard up that they need to dip their fingers in government contracts? I read that Nadia is, but that's neither here nor there because her name was not in the text.

But I think Gretchen really needs the funds wherever she can get it because there's always new branded shoes, clothes and bags to get her hands on and the shops will not wait for her.

Gretchen has said she's in consultation with her lawyers to advise her on what to do with the creature who dared maligned her name in public.

Mikaela has appeared on a number of showbiz talk shows to defend her good name. To quote her "hindi ako ipinanganak para matakot sa isang Gretchen Barreto."

Hmm, them are fighting words. But I expect to see these same people making bese-beso in social-climbing events in no time. As they say, friends who do plastic surgery together, flock together. Well, I'm mixing my idioms, but you get my drift.

Mikaela dropped other bombshells. Like it was Pops Fernandez who called her up to ask for help on a government contract. Another one: Gretchen, Pops and Ruffa went on a vacation in Bohol with certain top government officials.

I don't who's telling the truth; I don't really care to find out. What is clear is that it is unethical for any of these ladies to make commissions on government contracts on the virtue of one or two of them having an intimate connection with the person who has the power to award the winning bid.

Mikaela is encouraging Gretchen to take the dispute in court where she can reveal all she knows.

The stakes are high. I wish they’d get a judge who is creative, one who would rule that whoever losses will have to choices for punishment: spend an inordinate of time under extreme heat or allow one flick on the loser’s nose.

The complete text message sent to Gretchen Barretto's friend, Ana Abiera:

First text: "Kung meron mas malala kaysa sa mga bagyo na pinagdaanan ng bansa natin is that may konting katotohanan sa
sinasabi ni Sen. Miriam Defensor pati ang mga artistang sina Gretchen Baretto at Pops Fernandez ay kasama na nakikikomisyon
sa mga proyekto. Mas matindi pa sa buwaya ang mga ito at pati source ng pinahanap nila ay na-123 nila. Kung ebidensya ang
pagbabatayan mismong sulat kamay ni Gretchen ang percentage ng komisyon sa road safety at road works ng mga raket ni Dodie.

"Alam ni Gretchen at Pops kung sino ako. Matagal akong nananahimik at nagpapagaling pero ayaw nila akong tantanan. Puwes sa
senado kami magkikita. Wala akong kinakatakutan kahit sino pa. Alam ko Ana na humingi kayo ng 500k na advance sa Serena
kasama mo si Gretchen. I recorded my conversation with Jenny Munar.

Second text: "Pakisabi sa dalawa mong alaga, mga putang ina sila! Hindi ko sila tatantanan at hindi ko sila uurungan. Mismong
tatay ko binaril ko, mismong anak ko hindi ko inuurungan. Sino sa tingin nyo kayo? Gusto kong malaman kung gaano kayo
katapang. Nananahimik ang buhay ko pa-letter-letter pa kayo. Antayin ninyo ang sagot ko.

Third text: "Tingnan ko lang kung anong presinto kayo ni Dodie babagsak sa mga raket ninyo."

Pops Fernandez is not Reconciling With Ex Martin Nievera

At a press conference to promote her new album titled Hope under MCA Records, cougar singer/actress Pops Fernandez clarified that she and ex-husband Martin Nievera are not in constant communication. They do talk occasionally, especially if it's about the children they share together. Pops made this statement so as not to mislead the public.

Does this mean they are not reconciling? What about the fans?! Who will now watch your concert(s) with Martin? Who will now buy your CDs with Martin in it? What about the fans? The fans don't watch your concert and buy your CDs to hear your angelic voice. They buy the romantic idea of you and Martin together. Let's be real, Pops does not have the most excellent of voices out there. I remember reading a Pops concert review years ago in which the writer said that the voice of then child star Aiza Seguerra was better than the main attraction of the show. Ouch.

By the way, Martin sings a duet with Pops in a song titled "Goodbye Girl" in her Hope CD. Hmmm, what an apt title, that CD. Like, I have so much hopes for Pops. For example, "I hope she finally stops injecting her lips with ass fats." "I hope you finally find the ideal prey to your cougar." [You go, girl!] :P C'mon share all your hopes for Pops.

Speaking of lip enhancement, WTF happened to Pops'?! She was so much prettier with her old lips. And it seems her BFFs Gretchen "elevator" Baretto and Ropa Gutierrez have also jumped the "Angelina Jolie lips" bandwagon. Girls, natural is so much prettier.

The Drooping Nose of Katrina Halili

As if the “laos” issue is not enough, Katrina Halili’s nose is reportedly is trying to get away from here face. No, the word is actually “tabingi,” or getting there. For sure it is because the nose has been missing its regular check-ups. Of course, you know Katrina has been dropped as a celebrity endorser of the Belo Medical Clinic because of her involvement in the Hayden Kho-Vicki Belo brouhaha.

Katrina is now after an endorsement contract from Doc Manny Calayan. These celebrities are really cheapskates. They earn my entire year’s worth of salary in just one day of shooting or photoshoot, and yet they want these freebies that they are entitled to as celebrity endorsers. But, hey in Katrina’s case maybe the cost of upkeep is expensive because aside from the nose, there is the boobs, ass, tummy, etc. that need constant monitoring.

As for the “laos” issue, Katrina has been laying low and has not been getting projects like before. In short, humina ang kinang ng kanyang bituin dahil ayaw ng mga Pilipino sa kabit. I’m rolling my eyes at this because Filipinos are really such contradictory creatures. We want our showbiz stars to be perfect, one-dimensional, but we elect people who are known womanizers, child rapists and corrupt to hold important government positions.

As for Hayden, I’ve never been impressed physically or otherwise, especially when I read that when he was being asked to be interviewed about his breakup with Vicki Belo, he wanted to come out on TV singing “Too Young” by Jack Wagner. Thank God, saner minds interfered (i.e Lolit Solis) and nixed the idea.

Some of the lyrics go this way:

Except I love that girl so much
But I didn't show it
Started spreading myself too thin
Fool around thought she didn't know it
Such childish games I played I fooled her with my touch
Time has taught me so much
I'm grown enough to say

I was too young but that's no excuse
I had too much too soon I wanted more room
To please my restless youth
Now all this peace
I can't feel your bliss
You treated me so kind, you were all mine
But I just walk away


PLEASE, GET ME A BARF BAG, STAT!

She’s In My Face Again Because She Is Promoting Another CD

I've been seeing Gretchen Barreto's mug again on TV because she has a new CD coming out. (If you want to know the title, you won't find it here. I refuse to pander to her feelings of self-importance.)

This is actually her second album. Apparently bumenta yung una. Based on what I saw and heard on TV, the come on of this CD is not the songs (not original, they are cover songs), but what is written on the sleeve of the CD. It is a dedication from Gretchen Barreto herself. The statements are apparently controversial enough to warrant their own show.

Eh, whatthefuckever. The dedication, to me, is another manifestation of Gretchen's delusion that she is relevant, therefore the public must want to know how she feels and what's her state of mind. So, is it a waste of money to buy a CD of Gretchen Barreto cover songs? No two ways about it. This is a rhetorical question.

Anyway, heard from the rumor mill that Gretchen Barreto went to Tagbilaran Bohol for her post birthday celebration. She was followed there by her "special someone" who is apparently not Tonyboy Cojuangco. If there truly is a higher being, a picture of this lovely couple must surface soon.

P.S. I really like that solo picture of Gretchen above. So shiny and bloated in the lips, eh, Beautiful Girl?

Is Hayden Kho Back to Licking Vicki Belo's Surgically-Enhanced Mug?

Rumor is that Vicki Belo and Hayden Kho are back in each others arms. The "doktora to the stars" was quick to deny the rumor, but says that she and ex are now talking. Eh, whatthefuckever. This is news apparently. Maybe the PR bitch of Belo Medical Group thought that this news would induce people who want to have their fats suck out of them to come in droves to Belo clinics.

I'm more interested by the "behind the breakup of Vicki Belo and Hayden Kho' that I read on YES! Magazine. Apparently it was Vicki Belo who wanted her boyfriend to enter showbiz and become famous because she sees him as the true embodiment of Belo Medical Clinic. Before Vicki Belo lured Hayden Kho into her trap, he was keen on taking up further studies and to specialize in another field of medicine, not dermatology. Vicki, ikaw naman pala ang sumira sa kinabukasan ng bata.

As for Hayden Kho's wandering eyes, syempre may defensa siya dun. It all started when a patient of his died following liposuction. Banging as many girls as possible was his way of acting up, according to him. Oh, well, siguro kung doctor ka mas madaling tanggapin na namatay ang pasyente mo sa cancer, kesa naman habang tinatanggalan mo ng taba sa katawan.

Vicki Belo and Hayden Kho are also in therapy to help them deal with the breakup. Kasi kung hindi they will be back to their co-dependent ways. Si Vicki, ng isang batang boyfriend na pikitmatang sasabihan siya ng maganda siya. At si Hayden, isang older woman who will open doors for him the easy way.

Cage Fight: Vicki Belo vs Boy Abunda

In her interview in Showbiz Central, Dr Vicki Belo said "If you want to look like Dingdong and Piolo, go to Belo. If you want to look like Boy Abunda, go to Calayan (her rival cosmetic services clinic)."

Of course, in this ultra sensitive society of ours, that kind of statement will not go unnoticed, even if it was not meant to offend or slight. Well, it wasn't just a matter of fact statement. Syempre, Dingdong and Piolo are hotties. Si Boy Abunda, umh, ahh, much sought after TV host?

Anyway, Boy Abunda's response? Announce he's hurt by the statement, with matching crying in front of the cameras. Syempre, forget ba ni Boy Abunda magpaka intellectual? He forgives Vicki Belo, BUT he added that we must not forget to learn a very important life lesson from the incident. Ok, I know. "Don't say negative things about a person in that person's face. Always remember that you were raised right, so we must only say bad things behind a person's back."

My response? Doktora, excuse your beauty. You are not exactly the standard by which beauty should be measured. That goes to you as well, Pie Calayan. Natural plastic surgery, Vicki Belo ain't it.