Jinkee fucking Pacquiao is Running For Vice Governor

Just when I feel like the Philippines is going to be alright politically with Pnoy's "Daang Matuwid" here comes proof that we really are taking one step forward and three steps backward.

One of the first wannabees to show up at the Comelec to file their candidacy for the 2013 midterm elections is Jinkee Pacquiao, the wife of Pambansang Kamao Manny Pacquiao.

This was a complete surprise to me because I didn't know Jinkee Pacquiao has any other ambition beside re-engineering the face genetics gave her.

Jinkee Pacquiao Denies Ellen DeGeneres

Jinkee Pacquiao was invited to guest on Ellen Degeneres' show on CBS.

Oh my God! Jinkee's extreme makeover whole face and body edition has finally paid off! But no. :( Jinkee Pacquiao refused the invitation.

sigh. What a gold mine of quotable quotes that would have been.

Jinkee was fearful of blood from her nose marring her plastic fantastic mug in case Ellen DeGeneres gets high falluting on her during the interview.

Jinkee would have said yes if the interview was taped because then she could flash her millions to the show's editors and producers to edit her to hell so she comes out smelling like roses and not the dim bulb that she is.

Half a point and no more for Jinkee for self-awareness, but then again that's what you get for neglecting to improve your brain along with your waist, hips, thighs, eyes, cheeks and lips.

Read a book or two sometime, bitch!

Maybe then you'll realize none of your children looks like you anymore.

I could apply as Jinkee's minder, but no. I'll be sticking with Mommy Dionesia. At least Mommy Dionesia is taking English lessons, last I heard. Mommy D knows she has conquered the Philippines. So next stop is world domination!

Minus 100 points for Jinkee for hanging out with celebutard Paris Hilton.

From the way Jinkee talks, she thinks wonky-eye Paris Hilton is the best thing since silicon injections.

Jinkee, before your read a book as I suggested, turn on your PC and look up Paris Hilton on the interwebs.

Just in 2010, Paris Hilton was banned from entering Japan because of her cocaine possession conviction. And that's just one and the latest of her shenanigans.

Paris Hilton is so 2007. That's when her celebrity status peaked. We won't get anything from her but herpes.

Mommy Dionesia, Manny Pacquiao vs the RH Bill

It was only a few weeks ago that we saw Mommy Dionesia having interviews left and right because of her extravagant and star-studded 62nd birthday.

From media darling, Mommy Dionesia is now the callboy that wouldn't put out in the eyes of d' gays after she said her piece about the controversial RH bill.

Mommy Dionesia said about contraceptive pills:

"Tingnan mo, mga bakla, kaiinom nila ng pills, hindi bagay na inumin ng mga bakla kasi lalaki sila. Ginawa sila ng Diyos na lalaki. Umiinom talaga sila ng pills para magsilaki ang dede."

Mommy D is my personal icon and role model but, "Ang layo di ba?"

Manny Pacquiao naturally came to the defense, or non-defense, of his mother by saying:

"Sana yung mga media naman na kasamahan natin e huwag nang tanungin si Mommy D about RH bill dahil wala naman siyang alam, e. Dapat automatic na sa atin yun, sa utak natin na tayo naman nakakaintindi, may pinag-aralan tayo.”

"Mama ko yan, ma-mali man o ma-tama, mama ko pa rin yan."

This PR disaster would not have happened if yours truly were on Mommy Dionesia's side. While Manny is being a cheapskate and refusing to hire an all-around, go-to person (who is ME) for his dearly beloved mother, Mommy Dionesia is on the brink of being a pariah among peeps who once adored her.

Meanwhile, my application for the position is rapidly gathering dust as I type this.

Since Mommy Dionesia freely talks or sings, depending on the request, every time a mic and camera are shoved on her face (yes, I am still being bitter), a personal assistant cum spokesperson (ehem) is just what Mommy D needs. Why not? Mommy Dionesia is a famous celebrity in her own right, right?

Another compelling reason to hire a PA for Mommy Dionesia is to prevent her jewelries from being misplaced. Remember Mommy Dionesia's lost diamond ring that was a gift from Jinkee? The ring would have been found in my purse (it's not what you think, okay?) safe and intact if I were there. I can dig being a minder for Mommy D's expensive jewelries, bags and expensive everything.

I am willing to lower my asking salary. Just don't scrimp on the others perks. That's all I ask.

Alright, who do I need to bribe (or blow if it comes to that) to secure this position?

Happy B-day To Mommy Dionesia

The Manny Pacquiao-Shane Mosley fight begun with a lot of anticipated excitement but ended with a meh.

But I am not sad nor disappointed because my personal hero, my future employer, Mommy Dionesia, once again graced local TV as she and her prayer warriors gather together for mass and then a marathon prayer session to ensure the victory and safety of her one and only billionaire son, Manny Pacquiao.

Mommy D was all dressed in white-from her veil to her shoes and to her teeth, when she went to mass together with her entourage, which I hope to belong to in the not so distant future. Hopefully, before Mommy D runs out of money.

Once again, Mommy Dionesia proved the power of her marathon prayer sessions because Manny Pacquiao came out the victor and gained a new friend in Shane Mosley. Those glove touching before the start of a round, those hugs, ha!

Mommy Dionesia's TV coverage is not over just because Manny's fight is over. Take that Jinkee Pacquiao!

It is Mommy Dionesia's 62th birthday and there will be a grand celebration, courtesy of Manny.

There will be many costume changes so naturally TV crews followed Mommy Dionesia tried on gown and outfits at her favorite local modista.

She also showed off a bit her dance routine for the TV audience who couldn't be physically there at the party. Awww...

Mommy Dionesia is growing up to be a social climber.. the socialite that she should have been born as. She knows what an Hermes bag is and she has asked Manny to gift her with one on her birthday.

Oh, to be the carrier of that bag.. I can dream, can't I?

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PacMom: An Homage

PacMom: An Homage

Enough of being a jeluz h8r, a lackeye of Deo (whoever he is), according to the fans of the wordlwide phenomena known as Kimerald.

This post is an homage to my personal icon and role model, written with stars blinding my eyes - Mommy Dionisia, the global celebrity known to the world as Da-yo-nee-sha.

Allow me to share the awesomeness that is Mommy Dionisia. This future Ulirang Ina awardee has become famous through her progeny, pound for pound king Manny Pacquiao. But now she is more famous than Manny's wife (I don't think Jinky was ever famous) and is fast attaining the celebrity status of her boxer son.

I think Jinky is the jeluz htr. I read in a tabloid (Bulgar, what else) that Mommy Dionisia sat in economy class while the entire family enjoyed first-class accommodations during a vacation trip abroad. Ever the loving son, Manny told her mom to exchange seats with him. But Mommy Dionisia, ever humble and kind, was okay with the arrangement.

Mommy Dionisia rose to the stratosphere of celebritydom for her marathon prayer sessions, I mean, televised prayer sessions during Manny's fights. Prayer rallies warrant television coverage only if the attendees number to thousands or millions. The exception is our very own prayer warrior. Television stations fight over who will capture that one moment when Mommy Dionisia collapses, which usually occur when Manny's fight end. I think she speaks in tongue, too.

I believe, as do millions, that Mommy Dionisia's prayer sessions are part of the arsenal that makes Manny Pacquiao practically unbeatable. Such is the powers of Mommy Dionesia's prayers that I hope someday it will find the cure for cancer.

Mommy Dionisia is not resting on her laurels as just the mother of a boxing king. She is slowly but surely expanding her brand. Now it's ballroom dancing and commercials. Tomorrow, sitcoms and movies. Who know's there may be dolls, perfumes and line of apparel in Mommy Dionisia's future.

Even Wowowee has capitalized on Mommy Dionisia's fame, hoping to attract more down-on-their luck contestants and more emotionally-manipulated viewers and donors.

Speaking of alalays, I read that Mommy Dionisia has one bodyguard, not to guard her body but her set of diamond jewelries. She has an entourage but they are nearing retirement age? My dream when I grow up is to become a part of Mommy Dionisia's entourage, a personal assistant, if you will.

I have the required skills, if I say so myself. Let's see.

I am fluent in Filipino and English, not Bisaya, I'm afraid, but I am a fast learner. I can teach her how to speak better English and Filipino so that she will no longer be subtitled on every documentary about Manny. See 24/7 HBO documentary.

I can operate a laptop or PC, even a typewriter, if it comes down to it. I'm pretty sure Mommy Dionisia will someday need a person to answer all her fan mails, arrange her hectic schedule and coordinate her activities.

I'm healthy enough when Mommy Dionisia requires a fan girl (tagapaypay) and someone to catch her when she collapses after every marathon prayer sessions. I can hold her rosary and prayer book for her during prayers, and I can also wipe the santos and santos clean during lull in prayer.

I would really like to say I can work for free, but I can't say that with all sincerity. I want to say it's enough to be basked in the glow of Mommy Dionisia and be in her saintly presence daily. But I can't. Not in this economy.

I end this homage with a quote from PacMom herself addressed to all jeluz h8rs out there:

“…naiinggit lang sa akin. Kasi, may ipinakita ako sa lahat ng tao na marunong akong magpakita ng dancing ko...Yung iba, hindi marunong kasi balita lang sa kanila. Iniintriga lang. Gawa-gawa lang ito, kasi sikat na ako! Sana, ipaabot ko lang sa nang-iintriga sa akin, gumawa ka naman ng gawa para sa iyong sarili, para magkasama tayo na mga sikat. Hindi kayo maggawa-gawa ng intriga!"