Vicki Belo and Hayden Kho Secretly Civilly Wed?

"No comment" was the answer given by Vicki Belo's adult children, Cristalle Henares and Quark Henares, when asked if their mother and younger brother Hayden Kho have wed in civil rites.

I am ever the optimist so I believe the "No comment" comment means a resounding YES!

We may not have witnessed the first wedding rites between two ROYAL ASSHOLES, but if we know these two lovebirds they are now in talks with major networks and magazines for the exclusive coverage on the world's first union between a human (Hayden maybe trash but still human) and a plastic.

The whole marriage proposal went down in December 2010 during one of Vicki and Hayden's overseas jaunts. Smart man, that Hayden. Do it while the children and ex-husband are out of reach.

I feel the heave coming up my throat every time I see Hayden and Vicki's PDA on TV, but other than that I approve of this coupling. By the way, is it me or are Hayden and Vicki always seen in some society event or movie premier lately? Me thinks they would attend the opening of a door, if invited.

Anyway,,, someone suggested pre-nup to prove Hayden's love is true. Que horror! This is a slap in the face of Hayden true love. Why can't Cristalle, Quark and Atom Henares let Vicki and Hayden become one in grossness and creepiness?

Vicki loves Hayden, it's true. We suspect Hayden's motives. And Vicki? Well, can we argue with psychological instability?

Hayden has promised on Kris TV that "hindi na siya mambabae." Hayden may be a pervert, but he's practical. He took his eyes off this moneybags once, and he won't do it again. He knows where his next meal is coming from, so to speak.

He's next meal will not be definitely coming from his perfume line, which Vicki Belo also financed thankyouverymuch. Hayden's perfume line is going down, if it hasn't already. Can you imagine being asked "What perfume are you wearing?" and responding, "I'm wearing Hayden." Yuck!

Lani Mercado, Bong Revilla Renew Wedding Vows

Lani Mercado and Bong Revilla renewed their marriage vow on May 28, well ahead of the 2016 national elections.

The grand ceremony was attended by the who's who of local politics, business and showbiz, such as Manny Pacquiao, the top honchos of channels 7 and 4, Lily Monteverde.

Husband and wife spoke their vows, and surprisingly no lightning struck Bong Revilla dead and when said his vows inside the church:

"...Thank you for being a pillar for me during my political career. I will choose you to be my wife and the mother of my children in the next life. May the Lord bless us for another 25 years. I love you, I love you. I'm yours alone forever."

No lighting, unfortch. But Gretchen Barreto, Josephine Canonizado, Dina Bonnevie and Ruffa Mae Quinto were seen with a definite smirk on their faces. Like they were saying, "Really, Bong?"

And Lani Mercado's vomit-inducing vows:

"Papa, we both know people have their own way of looking at our relationship. We proved them wrong. I never suffered from the intrigues, except the you-know-what. I never suffer. I just keep on loving and understanding you. I don’t expect any more hurts from the you-know-what department from now on, Papa."

Lani, just say it. Just say the word "womanizing," "pambabae". Why be vague when practically all the Philippines know that your husband has stepped out on you several times? Everybody knows except you.

Lani is correct not to expect any more hanky-panky from Bong Revilla in the other women department. He has delusions of becoming a Philippine President. Bong can refrain, or at the very least, be discreet until he is safely installed in Malacanang.

If Jesus decides to take a rest and come down from the cross for a spell, Lani Mercado has all the qualifications to take Jesus' place.

I feel like Lani Mercado and Bong Revilla have been renewing their vows every year. It's not enough that Bong Revilla is on my TC every Sunday, but I don't see him on any Senate hearing.

Bong Revilla is really hard at work trying to secure his place as the Philippines' next president. Makes me want to wish that the Mayans are correct and that the world will come to an end in 2012. It's worth it to see the world ends before Bong Revilla attains his dream of world domination.

The Wedding of the Royals I Really Want To See

The picture of flower girl Grace above speaks for all of us (okay, just me) who are over this royal wedding before it even started.

I'm the only person I know who is not awed and excited about the royal wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton, I feel like. I mean what is there to be impressed about? Royals are people just like us who get drunk out of our skulls and who wear a Nazi uniform for kicks. (Ok, maybe not the last one). Think about it, royals are nothing more than people who make welfare look glamorous. That's all I'm going to say about that!

The royal wedding I am looking forward to is the wedding between two royal assholes: Hayden Kho and Vicki Belo. Rumors about a wedding between Hayden and Vicki started when famed composer David Foster's would-be trophy wife fiancee let it out that Hayden and Vicki are the next to wed.

I want these two to get married - bad. This way their grossness and pervertedness will be confined between just the two of them.

However, I have doubts about Hayden's self-confessed "stronger sense of character" after the trials and tribulations he had gone through (blech!). Hayden sooner or later will step out on Vicki, and spread his vileness to willing girls out there. Even Vicki's millions will not be able to deter Hayden, I'm afraid.

Again, however, I have faith in Vicki's cougar powers to hold on to her prey, I mean to forgive, and Hayden's powers to dickmatize Vicki all over again.

I'm ahead of you all. I'm already imaging the wedding in my head. I'm imagining the people on the guest list and I am overwhelmed by the volume of silicone and plastic in that event. There's Gretchen Barreto, Jinkie Pacquiao, Regine Velasquez, Nancy Castiglione, and The Azkals?!

The Azkals Football team?! What the?! Vicki, the cougar that she is, is expanding the number of her potential preys. She can have the Younghusbands but not goalie Neil Etheridge. Neil Etheridge is just 21 years old, for crying out loud, and most importantly 6'6" all over. Akin lamang siya, k thanks! :P

And then there's Ruffa Gutierrez, Belo's image model for the body contouring technology BodyTite. I wonder if Ruffa Gutirrez still has an epidermis left on her face. With the amount of intense chemical peeling that her mug has undergone to achieve that marble-like appearance, I really wonder.

Ruffa even asked Dr Vicki for botox for her crow's feet. I'm not surprised at Ruffa's addiction to cosmetic enhancements commitment to beauty, but I am taken aback by Vicki Belo's refusal to botox the hell out of Ruffa's face because Vicki believes Ruffa doesn't need it - yet.

Well, Vicki. Way to backtrack. You could have saved Charice Pempengco the local and international backlash from her much-publicized botox treatment a few months ago, if you had restrained your need for self-promotion.

One of Vicki's attempts at self-promotion is this show on cable called Beauty 101. One time I was flipping channels and I came across this one episode on Beauty 101 where Vicki Belo was the guinea pig for some new high-tech facial treatment.

Holy Mother! Vicki Belo sans make-up is a sight to behold. And I don't mean that in a positive way.

Vicki, makeup is your bestfriend. Don't go out without it.

If Hayden can wake up every morning and the first thing he sees is Vicki's face sans makeup and then pass the whole day still viewing himself in a positive light, then he has a much stronger intestinal, not to mention, testicular fortitude, than I give him credit for.

And if Hayden Kho can keep the dry heave down between the sheets with Vicki sans makeup, then it must be true love. I don't believe I just typed that!

Did Mariel Rodriguez and Robin Padilla Get Married in India?

Well, well well, seems like Robin Padilla and Mariel Rodriguez did more than eat curry in India.

Upon arrival in India with Mariel, Robin said "As I promise, I came back with my wife."

If this is true I'm glad they've made it official because maybe now the kachipangahang kasweetan would tone down a bit on Pilipinas Win na Win - I mean, if they come back.

Mariel is on an indefinite leave while Robin has taken a leave of absence to observe the Muslim's month of Ramadan.

Rumors have it that the leave of absences all points to Kris Aquino as the factor. Well, Kris Aquino with a mic is that Chinese kid behind me on the way to Ocean Park in Hong Kong - non-stop talking. Can we blame Robin and Mariel from wanting to get as far away from Kris Aquino and Pilipinas Win na Win?

On the bright side, we don't have to watch Mariel and Robin make the Pilipinas Win na Win show their own personal Luneta. It's no wonder the ratings are tanking. Televiewers and studio audiences want to win prizes, not watch lovers coo at each other. Ano mapapala nila dun, deva?

I am not giving this Mariel-Robin marriage the happily-ever-after seal of approval since Robin will eventually begin looking for other fishes in the sea again and Mariel will soon realize "bad boy" is romantic in theory but a turn off in real life. Life can't be a fairy forever.

Guess Who's Pregnant?

She broke off with her married man, got over that man by getting under a new man, got engaged, got married and now Krista Ranillo is pregnant. All these happened in a span of two months.

Krista revealed she's a soon-to-be mother but was quick to add that she and her now-husband got married not because she's pregnant but because they love each other. Um, yeah okay.

Krista has so many revelations like this is the second time she and her ATM (legal name: Jefferson Nino Lim) got married. The first time was without witnesses on July 14 and they had a reception at some burger place.

But what made my left brow go up was the revelation that Krista and her ATM machine were childhood sweethearts. I don't know. Judging by the picture, the ATM machine was old enough to baby sit Krista as a toddler. Correct me if I'm wrong but I was under the impression that you have to be of the same age or same age group to be considered childhood friends or childhood sweethearts.

Okay enough of the nitpicking. I want to know how far along Krista is on her pregnancy. Suspicious minds want to know. She didn't say in her interview. An investigative journalist should have carried out the interview. I want details, details, details .. those that can incriminate..

Forward to the next few months. I wonder who the baby would favor? Could it pass for Jinkee's fifth child or would the baby have premature baldness? You know, important stuffs....

That Was Fast

It was only in June 2010 that Krista Ranillo announced that has acquired a new ATM machine but only two months later she made it legal.

Krista Ranillo married her rich and eligible ATM machine (legal name: Nino Jefferson Lim) in Long Beach, California in an intimate Jewish-interfaith wedding on August 8.

It was the second marriage for the groom but it doesn't matter because he or his family owns the Long Island chain of supermarkets in California.

Krista's father, Matt Ranillo, walked her daughter down the aisle beaming, and if we can read the bubble above his head it would say "good job, daughter."

One of the guests observed that Krista never looked happier. I disagree. Jinky Pacquiao never looked happier.

A rabbi, Barry Tuchman, officiated the Jewish-interfaith wedding.

Mar Roxas and Korina Sanchez tie the knot - Finally

The long-awaited wedding (on Korina's part, I guess) between Sen Mar Roxas and TV broadcaster Korina Sanchez finally happened on Oct 27 at the Sto Domingo Church in Quezon City.

The Filipiana-inspired wedding was attended by the "who's who" of Philippine politics, showbiz, business and the alta sociedad.

The guest list included: Vice President Noli de Castro, Chief Justice Reynato Puno, Sen. Benigno "Noynoy"Aquino III, former President Joseph Estrada, Ballsy-Aquino Cruz, former Senatory and NEDA chief Ralph Recto, US Ambassador to the Philippines Kristie Kenney, former Senate President Franklin Drilon, Batangas Vice Governor Mark Leviste, PNRC Governor Rosa Rosal, and former Senator Jovito Salonga.

Guest from the world of media were: ABS-CBN Chairman Eugenio "Gabby" Lopez III, ABS-CBN President Charo Santos-Concio, veteran journalist Cheche Lazaro, and showbiz talk show host Kris Aquino, among others.

The bride, who arrived 45 minutes late to her wedding, wore white, a serpentine-style (whatever that is) gown designed by Pepito Alberta. Korina is no blushing virgin, but sige na nga let's just give it to her.

There were thousands of "uzis" outside the church waiting for a glimpse of the bride.

Imagine their disappointed when Korina arrived and was immediately surrounded by a huge cloth by her alalays to shield her from onlookers.

According to my favorite tabloid, the "supporters" (I'm using the term loosely) were so disappointed they will no longer vote for Mar.

Yeah! That's the kind of voters we have. They don't disappoint. I always say, just as there should be some sort of approval process before a couple can breed, people should be screened before they are allowed to vote. The requirements must be expanded to include not just being 18 years old. So what, right?

Korina was late because she visited the graves of her parents at Heritage Park in Taguig. I guess she couldn't do it a day before or after the ceremony, or the very next day. Added drama for a more entertaining look/read in the media. Wedding ceremonies are so routinary, kasi.

Guess, who attention-grabber was during the wedding? Nope, the bride. Kris Aquino, whose son James (the baby, not the daddy) was the ring bearer, came in a black gown for the afternoon affair.

As for the reception, guests gathered at the Roxas' grand mansion, Bahay na Puti, in Araneta. The reception was initially set to take place in Araneta Coliseum. But because Ondoy happened, that plan was scratched.

On the good stuff - the honeymoon. It's a short vacation in Hello Kitty land, Japan. A longer honeymoon is planned in Europe. So what happens in the honeymoon? They will talk political strategy. Just let your imagination run wild.

The Secret Wedding Is Not A Private Wedding After All

I've had enough of Judy Ann Santos and Ryan Agoncillo blathering about their "secret" wedding every where. It's been three weeks and I can't watch TV or read a magazine without their happy mugs telling everyone how they managed to fool everyone about their weddings plans.

They wanted the ceremony itself to be solemn and private, that's why they got rid of the superfluous elements from the occasion. Meaning no fans, no media and no other friends except the closest ones, who will later on blab about their participation in the event, feeling so proud that they got to be invited in this "oh-so-secret wedding." They minded that many people will ruin the wedding for them, but they didn't mind that reporters are all tripping all over themselves trying to get the exclusive.

These two wanted to have their cake and eat it too. And the media allowed them to. The want the privacy, but it's now a free-for-all after they got what they wanted. I'm being a jelly h8ter or an ampalaya. It's just all these coverage is getting annoying. Nakakasawa na. Kumbaga sa litson, nakakaumay na.

I was hoping the last of the coverage was the wedding in its entirety exclusively shown on ABS-CBN. But nope. There is still the exclusive wedding photos on the June 2009 issue of YES! Magazine. I didn't know that you can get married in April and still end up a June bride. That's how long the attention has been on the Judy Ann-Ryan wedding.

After the wedding, there is the exclusive unveiling of their marital house in Paranaque to exploit next. Then the pregnancy and birth of their first bio son or daughter. Judy Ann already announced that she will make herself scarce during her pregnancy because she doesn't want to be seen bloated. Vanity or another scheme to focus attention on her? I'm sure if she could manage it, she would hide in a cave and give birth there to give a cast of certainfreakiness uniqueness to the major event.

This secret wedding is nothing more than a PR scam - to get more attention and money out of it. I will let our dog eat my shoe if they did not get a centavo from that ABS-CBN exclusive and that exclusive magazine photo shoot.

Juday-Ryan Secret Wedding Is Wedding of the Year

The secret wedding turned out to be the much-talked about wedding of the year. Judy Ann Santos and Ryan Agoncillo were able to pull off their wedding last April 28 in a small church in San Juan, Batangas without the entire Philippines knowing. Details of the wedding were hush-hush because the couple wanted their special day to be solemn and attended only by close friends and family.

Okay, I must admit they look so happy together. I hate them. :P

Individually, I am meh about Judy Ann and Ryan Agoncillo. But together, they are one of the few real and reel couples who make me kilig. It was un-"famewhorish" of them to be tight-lipped about their wedding plans, so I though "good for them." Considering that local TV networks try to outbid each other to get the exclusive wedding coverage of celebrities and non-celebrities alike (hello Ina Revilla and whatshisface), what Judy Ann and Ryan accomplished was no mean feat.

But then, I spoke too soon because immediately the following day they are all over my TV explaining why they could not invite all the press, the fans, as well as the employees and executives of Meralco. You made the wedding a secret deliberately, so own it! I don't get the apology simply because, as heartless as it may sound, all those who are not invited are just extras. They will not make your special day more special because the people who matter are in attendance already. Sorry fans, but you have to see the wedding second-hand.

If I were a celebrity, my wedding would be a closed-door affair. Let's face it. There are fans who are ignorante. As soon as they see a celebrity they will start screaming, take photos or videos. We've seen those fans sa lamay ni Fernando Poe, Jr and the wedding of Sharon Cuneta and Gabby Concepcion. So, NO! The fans are out. Panoorin nyo na lang sa TV or bili ng magazine para makita ang photos.

The media blitz following the Juday Ann-Ryan wedding included all sorts of interviews with the newly weds. I've watched and heard several of those and all I can say is there is no concept of "TMI" and "none of your business" whatsoever. The couple was asked if something happened during their first night. I was like "ugh! taaaacky!" Who asks that kind of question?! More importantly who gamely answers that kind of question?

There were several wedding receptions where the not-invited can attend. Papa Piolo Pascual was invited to one of receptions. Good for him for not attending because it was probably a meaningless invitation. Like "it's good if you attend. It's also good if you don't. No skin off my nose" kinda thing. In short pakitang tao na invitation. Okay, I'm probably giving too much credit to Papa Piolo in the self-awareness department, but that's how I read the situation.

Papa Piolo can turn the tables on them when it's time for him to get married. In an interview, Papa Piolo said he's not yet getting married because he's still saving money. So until then, we need to have our Congress pass the birth control law, the divorce law and same-sex marriage law.