Chip Tsao: The War at Home

The latest person to get the ire of Filipinos is Hong Kong journalist Chip Tsao for calling the Philippines a "nation of servants" in his article "The War at Home" published in HK Magazine. So just by reading the phrase "called the Philippines a nation of servants," are you now in a state of wanting to kick a puppy due to intense rage? Before you cave in and do just that, take a chill pill and read on.


The War At Home


The Russians sank a Hong Kong freighter last month, killing the seven Chinese seamen on board. We can live with that—Lenin and Stalin were once the ideological mentors of all Chinese people. The Japanese planted a flag on Diàoyú Island. That’s no big problem—we Hong Kong Chinese love Japanese cartoons, Hello Kitty, and shopping in Shinjuku, let alone our round-the-clock obsession with karaoke.

But hold on—even the Filipinos? Manila has just claimed sovereignty over the scattered rocks in the South China Sea called the Spratly Islands, complete with a blatant threat from its congress to send gunboats to the South China Sea to defend the islands from China if necessary. This is beyond reproach. The reason: there are more than 130,000 Filipina maids working as $3,580-a-month cheap labor in Hong Kong. As a nation of servants, you don’t flex your muscles at your master, from whom you earn most of your bread and butter.

As a patriotic Chinese man, the news has made my blood boil. I summoned Louisa, my domestic assistant who holds a degree in international politics from the University of Manila, hung a map on the wall, and gave her a harsh lecture. I sternly warned her that if she wants her wages increased next year, she had better tell every one of her compatriots in Statue Square on Sunday that the entirety of the Spratly Islands belongs to China.

Grimly, I told her that if war breaks out between the Philippines and China, I would have to end her employment and send her straight home, because I would not risk the crime of treason for sponsoring an enemy of the state by paying her to wash my toilet and clean my windows 16 hours a day. With that money, she would pay taxes to her government, and they would fund a navy to invade our motherland and deeply hurt my feelings.

Oh yes. The government of the Philippines would certainly be wrong if they think we Chinese are prepared to swallow their insult and sit back and lose a Falkland Islands War in the Far East. They may have Barack Obama and the hawkish American military behind them, but we have a hostage in each of our homes in the Mid-Levels or higher. Some of my friends told me they have already declared a state of emergency at home. Their maids have been made to shout “China, Madam/Sir” loudly whenever they hear the word “Spratly.” They say the indoctrination is working as wonderfully as when we used to shout, “Long live Chairman Mao!” at the sight of a portrait of our Great Leader during the Cultural Revolution. I’m not sure if that’s going a bit too far, at least for the time being.

The article is a satirical take on the dispute over the Spratlys Islands between the Philippines, China and our other Southeast Asian neighbors. While reading the article I was thinking "What!? Is this guy serious?" May be he is, may be he's not. It was clear to me though that it was intended to make the reader laugh, or at the very least, giggle. It was trying to be humorous, but it was done in bad taste.

Bet he doesn't even know that his country is trying to wrest control over a group of Islands that is so far from its territory. Its only claim to sovereignty are a bunch of historical documents mentioning some islands that their ancestors passed through or lived in for some time. The Philippines is the only claimant to the Spratlys that can use "close proximity to the dispute islands" as proof of its sovereignty. We want to take this dispute in the international courts, but no country, not even the mighty China, is taking the challenge. Who is now afraid, huh?

Don't waste you energy on Chip Tsao. To me he is just a pesky, little gnat wanna-be.